Update #2

[aearwen]

...and I am very cautiously wanting to be a teenie bit optimistic.

While things are still very touchy, I’m starting to get a handle on my brother’s moods and/or what can set him off into a tailspin. Depression often manifests in loss of appetite and lack of sleep. The day after he signed the sales contract for short-selling the house, he told me he only managed three hours sleep – so it was no wonder that he was really on the ragged edge the day after. The last two nights, however, he has managed to get some decent sleep, and his mood is at least workable.

Loss of appetite is a newer symptom that we’re dealing with. I’m making certain that he at least starts out the day eating SOMEthing – as much because he needs to take his meds with food as anything else. I’m here, I’m eating breakfast, and it seems to be moving him to do the same so far. I can also cajole him into taking in something for lunch – usually left-overs. However, comma, the last two evenings he has not wanted to eat supper. I’ll have to keep a real eye on that, and see how his mood in the morning reacts to no food the night before.

My brother is a model railroad fanatic, and over the time I’ve been here, I’ve taken him to two “meetings”. Coming home from last night’s event – which ended up being him and two other guys running trains on the fancy layout at the McCormick Railroad Park in Scottsdale (that Dave and the others in the club are now constructing in this fancy new building the city built for them) he mentioned the spots on the layout that he had real plans for developing. Ah-HAH, thinks I, a mention of things he wants to do in the future. He also finally admitted that maintenance on the house (that he’s losing) has been getting to be too much for him lately, between arthritis and heart issues.

We have discussed his losing his own, personal layout and letting the layout at the park make up for the loss in the short term. We have discussed his relocating to CA and taking over a part of my old garage for a new layout eventually. We have discussed how much easier apartment living might be for him – he would no longer have to worry about pool maintenance, landscaping, etc. We discussed how many friends he had – in the three model railroad clubs he belongs to here, as well as his church friends.

One thing he mentioned was that he always came home from a train club meeting in a better mood. Another was that he sometimes could see the light at the end of the tunnel. That he is looking forward at all, I feel, is progress. Not enough to make me comfortable heading home to CA yet, but at this point, I’m willing to take my successes in extremely small doses.

We’ve learned he and his wife have about 60 days minimum before they would have to be out of here. I have agreed that he should have one more Sunday to play with his hobby on his personal layout in the extra bedroom before starting to pack up his trains to move. Then, I will simply help him pack – keep talking to him to keep him focused on the good things that can come in the future, to remind him that losing his layout isn’t the end of the world (that if he managed to accomplish it once, he can do it again.) And I’ve been keeping my eyes open for apartment complexes that are inviting new renters, so that perhaps I can be part of the process that actually finds him a place to live, so that insecurity can be lifted before I take off for home.

I would like to think that I can be heading home maybe by this time next week – but I’m not trying to write that in concrete. I have no outstanding appointments that I absolutely have to keep at home, so my schedule is flexible enough to deal with what comes to me. I WANT to go home. JJ and hubby are down with colds; I have tax returns to sign so we can get our refund, with which we hope to re-gravel the driveway (and it needs it desperately!) and I need to get back to my music obligations (duet practices and choir practice.) But all of that takes a back-seat to making certain that when I leave, my brother is at least armed with the resources and knowledge of how to sense his own moods going down and how to work to bring HIMSELF back up again - as well as a way to give himself the incentive to try.

Because, if I can’t be sure of that, the only other option I can see that protects my brother’s well-being is for me to pack him up and take him home with me – either for another short-term visit or maybe even a longer stay. We’ve discussed that option as well, and I’ve talked to my family about the possibilities of having him stay with us for several months at least (without his wife, incidentally! She'd never agree to come, nor would she appreciate the teenie-tiny bedroom she'd be squeezed into.) IF Dave decided a more long-term visit were needed, he would want to come to CA with his one old cat – who, unfortunately, would be torn to pieces by my Bengal, I’m afraid, if we tried to put the two together. Should that be the path we end up taking, I’ll have to call the local shelter and see if they have anybody who would shelter and foster a sweet, elderly neutered old-man cat who loves everybody in the short term; someone who wouldn’t mind my brother coming to visit his cat from time to time as well.

With luck, and a little perseverance, however, maybe that step won’t be necessary.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the worst (for now) is behind us.